I'll admit that this has been a tough week emotionally for me. Some of the realities of my future and what's to come even this summer are starting to sink in, and that's hard. So there are lots of emotions involved. I've been finding that I haven't really done a whole lot of trusting in God through all of this. Today I came across a devotional somebody posted that was written by Elisabeth Elliot. Through reading Passion and Purity, I am quickly falling in love with Elliot's writing and I was excited to find that she did a devotional on exactly what I needed to hear.
Elliot began with the story of a little boy going through a car wash for the first time. He was panicked, and he looked immediately to his father. He didn't know when the car wash would end, or whether or not he'd make it out alive; but he trusted his father. The child looked to his father, knowing that he loved him and didn't want to cause any harm to him.
She goes on to explain that:
"In learning to keep a quiet heart, we must first begin by learning to trust God. Our Father is with us. We will not go through any dark tunnels, any deep valleys, any hot fires, without the presence of our Heavenly Father. The Christian life is meant to teach us to trust Him. Every experience in life is meant to teach us to trust Him."
WOW. Oh how I needed that reminder tonight! Sometimes we don't understand why we're going through what we're going through, but that's not really all that important; what's important is understanding and trusting that God is with us through all of it. Through the storms of life we are to lean to God; we have no other security than that.
So so so much easier said than done, though. For me personally, it's so easy to forget that He's there with me when the waves seem to start crashing all around me. I begin to worry, and the thing I fear for grows larger and larger until the wave towers over me and consumes me entirely.
Well how do I learn to remember that God's there? Do I get it tattooed on my forehead? Do I put sticky notes all over my mirrors, car, and doorhandles to remind me of it?
I'm still learning that part. But what I have gained is that this trusting, close-knit relationship with God has to be a decision of the path I choose each new day. Life will throw us in all different directions, causing us to toss and turn in the never-ending waves, but we must learn to choose God daily.
Some days are harder than others. Some days, I just need to cry a little bit and write my heart out in my journal, but that's not a bad thing. I'm learning to be able to let my emotions out, because letting them build up inside until I can't hold any more is far too dangerous for me. A good friend told me that in all of my sadness about the realities of things, I can't let this mistrust, hurt, and fear consume me. It can't take hold of my entire life; only I can.
And that's why I've decided to take the harder path. The path of uncertainty-of where God's taking me in my next step, of where I'll be spending the rest of my life, of when He will allow me to endure trying situations. Many people choose to wander aimlessly through their lives, and that seems to be the popular thing to do. But, I know I've got a God right there right beside me who's got a crazy, crazy love for me, so I don't have to walk through any of it alone. My trust is in the One who's been right beside me all along.
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