And so I walked.

“What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have?” 

-Cheryl Strayed, Wild

This summer I've been on the hunt for a great book. I finally found one that caught my attention and kept me turning pages until the very end. It kept me on the edge of my seat, either having to put the book down to think, or having to pause in the middle of a sentence simply because I couldn't stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. The name of the book was Wild, by Cheryl Strayed.

Strayed tells the story of an adventure she went on when she was 26. She hiked the Pacific Crest trail, which stretches from California to Oregon. Strayed had decided to give up the mess of a life she had, and she devoted a summer to hiking this trail. With nothing but camping supplies and a few books, Strayed set out on a journey that would challenge her both physically and emotionally. 

On her trek, Strayed did a lot of pondering on the life she'd been creating for herself. She beat herself up for the choices she'd made: from cheating on her husband and ultimately ending her marriage, to carrying the burden of her mother's death everywhere she went. Strayed learned something: she couldn't change what she'd done, but she could certainly learn from it.

And boy I needed to hear that. I am constantly looking out the rearview mirror of my life, focusing on every little thing I've done and said. In fact, up until a couple months ago, I used to hate myself-and I reminded myself of that feeling daily. "I hate myself," I'd say with a little laugh.

I'm learning what Strayed learned when she went on this crazy expedition, only luckily it hasn't taken me an entire summer of being in the woods to figure it out. I'm learning that try as I might, I can never change the mess of a life I had not too long ago. But I can certainly decide who I am becoming. I don't have to live by the past I have; God saved me from that trash.

As simple a message this is, so many of us have a hard time really applying it to our lives. I think what has helped me most is recognizing that I can take my thoughts captive. We have power over our minds.

So to all you battered and broken out there, recognize that you don't have to live by who you were. Don't let your past cripple you, because it will only consume you completely.

I'm learning not to see my past as the person I am, but to see myself the way Christ sees me: fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm a child of The King, and so are you.

So here I am. I'm all in, stepping onto the trail; always walking forward. And I'm never looking back.

"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 3:13-14

P.S.-Ever heard Paul the Apostle's story? He's got a pretty rough past, and God radically transformed his life. You should check it out: Acts 8-9